Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

I think this show frustrates me more than any game show I have ever watched.  Why, you ask?  Because I AM smarter than a fifth grader.  I watch idiot after idiot parade through the show while I scream at the TV screen, “Bulgaria, you moron…Bulgaria!”  Now I will admit, some people give it a good shot.  The biggest mistake most people make, in my estimation, is going for the first grade questions first.  You have three cheats, why not go after the 4th and 5th grade questions while you can get some help?  But no, “I’ll take 1st grade spelling.”  “Okay, spell cat.”  “Darn, I’m going to have to use a cheat, Jeff.  I’d like to phone a friend.”  Jeff rolls his eyes and says, “Sorry, you can only do that on ‘Millionaire’ you freak.”

Over the years I have watched a lot of Jeopardy, the most adult and challenging game show that has ever been on TV.  And I occasionally play Trivial Pursuit, but only the original Genus edition, which is based largely on things you should have learned in school.  Over the years I have won 95% of the Trivial Pursuit games I have played, which really frustrates the kids I play against.  Seriously, I do well at Pursuit.  I think it has to do with the way I approached learning when I was younger.  When I was in school, I actually learned a lot of what we were studying.  I very seldom crammed for tests and almost never did an all-nighter study session.  As boring as this may seem, I paid attention in class.  This apparently leads to storing facts in long term memory rather than short term memory.  In a recent game of Trivial Pursuit with our good friends, J and B and family, their daughter remarked, “You know too much.”  Needless to say, I kicked her 10 year old butt.

I remember watching American Idol finalist Kelly Pickler on 5th Grader when she had a question having to do with 3rd grade geography.  “Let me see, I’m pretty sure France is a continent,” she said as I beat the arms of my recliner and screamed.  It sure is a good thing she can sing, because she’ll never make it as a tour guide.  But my frustration has less to do with how little the contestants seem to know, or how much I think I know.  I’m frustrated because there isn’t a chance in this world of ever getting on the show.

I attempted an online try-out for Jeopardy once.  I went to their website to register, but got an error message.  I went through various hoops to resolve the situation only to return to the site to find out the time for registration had passed.  Maybe that is just as well since my knowledge of Shakespeare and 16th century poetry is not as good as it might be.  Let’s face it, Jeopardy is a hard game.  But 5th grader, come on!  “Kelly, pick your next subject.”  “I’ll take 2nd grade math, Jeff.”  “Okay, in the equation 1/2, what is the value of the denominator?”  “Wait, a demon ate her?  Why did he stop at half, Jeff?  Why didn’t he eat the whole thing?”  Arghhhhhh!