Four-Way Stops

I have lived in or around Slidell, Louisiana for over 26 years.  Being from Florida, it has taken quite an adjustment to deal with life here.  Oh, the food is fantastic and the people are among the friendliest on the planet.  But there is a phenomena that, although it exists elsewhere, only here has it been taken to the extreme that borders on fanaticism.  I’m talking about the four-way stop.

Whatever happened to traffic patterns and planning?  Has common sense simply flown out the car window?  What kind of thought process has gone into this nightmare of suburban gridlock?

    “The main road runs from the front of the subdivision to the back, and there are smaller streets branching off of it.  Let’s see, how about we establish right-of-way for the main street to maximize flow during commuting hours, and have each smaller street stop as it intersects the main street?” 
    “Or we could just put a four-way stop at every intersection.”
    “Bubba, I think you got somethin’ there.  Cooter, start puttin’ them signs out!”

If I have learned anything while living here, it is that making a plea to the Highway Department which stresses a common-sense approach to traffic planning won’t go far.  But I am willing to settle for a compromise.  Why don’t we at least use the four-way stop concept where it will actually be of benefit and possibly save lives and thousands of dollars in damage claims?  Put the four-way stops in grocery stores!

Think about it.  People are navigating four-wheeled vehicles while highly distracted, often overloaded and carrying hazardous cargo without proper warning signs or escort buggies.  Where else do you find vehicles filled with dangerous chemicals like Draino, Lysol and Juicy Juice careening around corners while anxious drivers are on cell phones engaged in vital conversations like, “Honey, did you want the nacho cheese Doritos or cool ranch?”  Add to this a screaming two-year-old who has broken through the seal on a package of Chips Ahoy and you have the makings of a disaster.  And the roadways are dangerously narrow in grocery stores.  Oh, they started out wide enough when the store was designed.  But by the time you add end displays, cut case aisle displays and an old lady frying up samples of Billy Bob’s Home-Style Pork Sausage, there just isn’t enough room to safely navigate.

But the biggest and most often overlooked hazard is the cart with the broom handle sticking two feet out the front of the buggy.  This is just a disaster waiting to happen.  Just last week I saw a lady with that very situation approach the check-out when her two-year-old slammed his Chips Ahoy into her arm, knocking her cell phone into the buggy where it landed squarely in a container of low-fat yogurt, causing her buggy to careen.  The result was she rear-ended a man in the express lane and there were 20 items or less everywhere.  Next thing you know, a lawyer comes screaming out of the frozen food section on a motorized cart and the whole thing escalated. 

People, let’s stop the madness.  Join the alliance for safe shopping and demand that all broom purchases either be positioned vertically or require an escort buggy.  Insist that four-way stops be mandated for all grocery stores.  And don’t worry about where to get the stop signs, there are plenty of them in my neighborhood.

Tags: 4-way stops, humor, shopping, traffic