Life On the Red Carpet

Everywhere I turn these days people are talking about being on “the red carpet.” Whether it’s the Oscars, the SAG Awards, even the Miss America Pageant; none of which I watch. Okay, I must admit I watched part of the Miss America re-make thing, but only because my wife made it into a “spend some time with me” occasion. But frankly I hate the entire celebrity watch, red carpet thing. No one I know will ever walk the red carpet. Why don’t they show us where real people walk, on the blue denim carpet?

Now that would be something normal people can relate to. Instead of self-absorbed, neurotic celebrities there would be people like me; brick layers, department store clerks, the old guy at the Wal-Mart. Instead of hundreds of paparazi with $1,000 cameras, there would be a kid from the photography club at the high school or the local police sketch artist. And the celebrity interview would sure be different. “Here comes Bubba Johnson, carpenter from Pearl River in a lovely Dickies one-piece cover-all. And on his arm is that skanky blonde from the Re-Max office, Selma House. Selma, who are you wearing tonight?” “That would be Jim Beam, darling.”

On the blue denim carpet, Vera Wang is why Bubba’s cover-alls don’t fit quite right. A double on the rocks is a large trailer that didn’t quite make the turn off the interstate. A celebrity head shot is a picture of the ex-bank president holding a white board just under his face that says, “Duval County Jail-29875.” The blue carpet is located in front of the Sonic on Classic Car night, when cheeseburgers are 5 for $5.

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but that’s what I want to see on TV. And, before you sit down to watch with me, grab me another RC Cola and get one for yourself.

Tuna Noodle Casserole

Admittedly, this is a “grandma” recipe, but some of these old classics are what become defined as comfort food.  My mother-in-law used to make this so, when I revived the recipe, it thrilled my wife.  Try it yourself.

Cook 3 1/2 cups egg noodles in salted water.  In a separate bowl combine:

• 3 cans of tuna (tuna in oil works best for casseroles, drain before adding)
• 1 can very small green peas
• 1/2 cup mayonnaise
• 1/2 cup chopped celery
• 1/3 cup chopped onion
• 1/4 cup chopped green bell pepper
• 1/4 cup chopped pimiento
• 1 tsp salt

In a small pan combine:

• 1 can cream of celery soup
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese

Stir until melted.  Add to other ingredients and blend well.  Put cooked noodles into large baking dish and add everything else, stirring well to blend.  Cover and bake at 425 for 20 minutes.

The Rule of the Lizard King

TV is not what it used to be, good or bad.  I saw a show the other day called “Most Outrageous UFO Theories.”  It started with the usual government cover-up conspiracy theory, but got interesting when some dude gave his theory on the Lizard King.  He seems to think that UFOs have been around for thousands of years, as evidenced by the appearance of pyramids around the world built by apparently disconnected cultures.  He goes on to say that, in days of old, there was a reptilian “Lizard King” that visited earth and had relations with earth women, giving rise to a race of lizard hybrids.  These half lizards have bred secretly over the centuries until they now make up families of prominence in society and hold great sway in earthly business, government and economic affairs.  Also, they may or may not be from another planet, they could actually be from another dimension.  And, by the way, they eat human flesh!

Now I am sitting there thinking, “This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard.”  But, some time later, I am reminded of another story from a source I consider to be extremely reliable that actually could be construed to support that theory.  Consider this:

• Genesis 3:1  “Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the other animals the Lord God had made.  He said to the woman…”  According to this biblical account, there was a visit to earth by a powerful being in the form of a reptile.  Hmmmmm.  More support comes from Revelation 12:9  “The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him”.  Now what do you think he and his angels were up to? 
• Genesis 6:1,2  “When men began to increase in number on the earth and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they married any of them they chose.”  The New American Commentary states as one plausible explanation of this passage, “As angelic, celestial beings, the ’sons of God’ defied God by moving outside their appointed realms and marrying (molesting) human ‘daughters’.”  If they defied God they would, by definition, be fallen angels or demons, allies of Satan (the Lizard King).  Hmmmm again.
• Genesis 6:3  “The Nephilim were on the earth in those days - and also afterward - when sons of God went to the daughters of men and had children by them.  They were the heroes of old, men of renown.”  Could this be the beginning of the lizard lineage?
• 1 John 5:19  “We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.”  This likely refers to spiritual control, not ownership and control of corporations and governments, or does it?
• So, if any of this is true, why don’t we recognize the lizard leaders?  2 Corinthians 11:14  “And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light”.
• And just where do these lizard people come from?  Mars?  Venus?  Ephesians 6:12  “^ For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms“.  So, where are these heavenly realms?  Could they be…another dimension?
• But now come on, flesh eaters?  1 Peter 5:8  “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour”.  Surely this language is simply figurative, isn’t it?

Back in the 80s there was a TV mini-series called “V” where aliens landed on earth in the guise of friendship only to turn out to be malevolent lizard beings in disguise.  I still remember when the lizard queen unhinged her jaw like an anaconda to swallow a whole guinea pig (cool).  Now I am not saying that corporate and world leaders are part of a lizard dynasty to rule the earth, and I am certainly not advocating that we should round them up for DNA testing.  But I swear, if I see Hillary Clinton swallow a live guinea pig…hmmmm.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

(My recipes are not necessarily gourmet but they are, for the most part, easy and very tasty.  I got this one from a lady at a church in Baton Rouge, and later added a couple of extras to make it my own)

• 1 pack of boneless chicken breasts
• 1/2 cup each of chopped sweet onion and bell pepper
• 1 can cream of chicken soup
• 1 can cream of celery soup
• 1 can chicken broth
• 1 can Ro-tel tomatoes (mild or regular)
• 1 can creamed corn
• 1 lb. Velveeta
• McCormicks Mexican seasoning
• 4 flour tortillas

Cut the chicken into small pieces. Dust with Mexican seasoning and saute in a little oil. Do not overcook, it will finish cooking in the hot soup.  Remove from oil and drain.  Add the onion to the oil and saute.  After a couple of minutes, add the bell pepper and cook both until the onions are clear.  Remove and drain.  In a large pot, combine the canned soups, corn, Ro-tel (drained) and heat gently.  Add the onions and peppers.  When hot, break the Velveeta into small pieces and add; stir until melted.  Tear the tortillas into small pieces and add them along with the chicken to the soup.  Then add some more Mexican seasoning to taste.  Serve as is, or garnish with chopped tomatoes, green onion or crisp tortilla chips.

Note: I first bought McCormicks Mexican seasoning at a local store but, when I went back to get more, they no longer carried it.  In fact, no store in town carries it, and I checked them all.  If you cannot find it, go to McCormicks.com and they have a list of vendors who will ship it.  You may want to get several to justify the shipping cost, but it really is good and I use it for several other dishes as well.  Also, as with many soups, it is much better the next day…the tortillas get REAL tender, like dumplings.  YUM!

Son of functional weirdo…

Actually I would be “father of functional weirdo,” but I like the movie sequel aspect of the title.  I blog, I have blogged, I will blog, but the format on which I blogged previously is no longer in existence, no doubt due partially to my postings.  It is daunting, to say the least, to blog in the shadow of my grad school, english major daughter.  Yet I venture into the fray in the spirit of my previous blogs, which is to rant incessantly about whatever interests me and, hopefully, a handful of others.  I would venture to share a recipe or two, but my daughter has not only posted most of my good ones, she has gone on to surpass me as the culinary expert of the family.  Which is to say, I’m in a rut.  My adoring wife puts up with the predictable, repetitive menu, which has less to do with her forgiving spirit and more to do with her refusal to cook (Says she, “I can cook…I choose not to!).  I stop for now since this initial posting is more about getting into the system than actually saying anything of worth.  I shall return when I actually have something to say.